On the genie

In an old library in downtown Tehran, I stumbled upon this strange book. I’m not one to visit such illustrious cities. I try to stick to countries where one can enjoy a Starbucks. But Lufthansa had a direct flight from Frankfurt and I’m a sucker for a last-minute deal.

The book had this beige paperback and it didn’t look particularly interesting. But it stood alone in the middle of an otherwise empty shelf. It was strange because it barely had 20 pages. I grabbed it and took a glance at the title: it said: “Title”.

That was a big disappointment. I thought it was going to be some magic shit, given that we’re in an old library in a magical part of the world. I guess I watch too many movies. I wasn’t impressed at all with the book but I wasn’t going to let it deter me. So I stole it.

Just as I put this book inside the inner pocket of my expensive Patagonia puff jacket, something strange happened: A man immersed, a wizard-like figure was standing in front of me. He looked like Micheal Gambon, exactly as you’d imagine (that’s Dumbledor in case you didn’t know, or Gandalf if you’re into that. but without the hat)

I was shocked. I said:

• Who the hell are you
• I’m the wizard of Tehran.
• So you’re like a genie sort of character? Do you grant wishes and shit
• No, fool. That’s more Damascus style. I’m more about wisdom you know. I know literally everything that can be known. You get to ask as many questions as you can. But once I tell you, I can’t untell you. So ask wisely.
• LOL I said. Do you think I’m a fool?
• Test me - Said the wizard in his David Attenborough sort of voice
• Aight. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
• A woodchuck would chuck just as much wood as a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
• Oh, I see you old man. So you’re legit
• Actually, I’m not that old. I just chose to look this old. it gives me more credibility among my peers
• And you chose to sound like David Attenborough for the same reason?
• Now you’re asking the right questions
• Alright. What’s the first question you ask would be the best question to ask if one were to ever meet a wizard-like figure that knew everything?
• Easy. The best question to ask is to ask about the best question. The problem with that is the answer to the question is the question itself which is a useless answer which renders the question useless.
• Lemmi try again: If you were me, what would you ask yourself?
• If I were you, I would ask myself what I would ask myself and myself would give me the same answer I’m giving you. Again, you’re running in circles sunny boy
• God damn it, I said. What can we learn from all of this?
• Meta questions, that is questions about questions don’t work. it’s like wishing for more wishes. No self-respecting genie would ever grant that.
• So what do I do?
• You’re still asking for more questions. it doesn’t work
• How do I make it work?
• Instead of playing the game, you’re playing against the game. You can’t get anything of value if you don’t value anything.
• What does that mean?
• It means that you have to start by thinking about what matters to you and see if you could get something that gets you closer there instead of trying to optimize your returns for no clear end goal.
• Humm, I said
• Humm, indeed, said the wizard
• So the entire point of this exercise is to figure out what one really wants
• Bingo
• So I should ask something like how to find love or something?
• Exactly
• So I just got you to tell me what I should ask without actually asking it. So my meta questions did work.
• God damn it, said the wizard. You got me.
• Alright man, kidding aside. here’s a real question: is god for real?
• Fuck that, man. I ain’t answering that question

and we both erupted in laughter. I took a glance at my watch and saw that it’s 5 PM already. I knew I had to leave because I fly in three hours and this Tehran traffic can’t be trusted.

• Before I go, just one more question:
• go ahead.
• How much is Bitcoin going to be worth in 10 years?
• A whole lot more than now, I can tell you that much. Not financial advice.
• Roger that I said.

I shook the wizards hands and left. Surprisingly, he had a terrible handshake and no upper body strength. His hands were soft. I bet he moisturizes regularly. I regretted no asking him what he uses for that. But I quickly forgot about that as I had was so excited about something much more interesting. All I kept thinking along the taxi ride to the airport was: I can’t believe he didn’t say anything about the book I stole.