It's called Verbatim because none of it is edited. I don't edit what I write. If I don't like what I said, I don't publish. No AI writing, no nonsense.

173 posts3 collectionsEst. MMXXIILast update 02 Nov 2026

The mechanics

Essays about the prison of the moment, invisible walls, and doing things for no reason.

47 entries
A heads-up for the aspiring IronmanThe myth of starting from zero, racing vs finishing, and the invisible time sinks14 min read01 Dec 2024An introductionWhat this is, how to read it, and why you probably shouldn't3 min read07 Nov 2024On disillusionmentVantage points, the relativity of feelings, and when it all sinks in2 min read05 Nov 2024On resultsTrends, simple equations, and the road home1 min read20 Oct 2024On racingA the same strange calm, sharp focus, and a different man3 min read18 Oct 2024On plansSuccess before the start line, the value of evidence, and the only moment of pride I ever felt2 min read04 Oct 2024On excusesThree consecutive failures, winging it, and irrational good decisions4 min read30 Sep 2024On the passage of timeProductive delusion, the effect of a few days, and the lack of solutions1 min read25 Sep 2024On outcomesDrifting focus, staying on course, and an exorcism by failure5 min read24 Sep 2024On weightsResponding in force, playing the game right, and sustainable effort3 min read24 Sep 2024On chokingReal adversity, overwhelming realities, and the humbling of men2 min read24 Sep 2024On dignityA looming DNF, a strange sense of calm, and making a stand2 min read23 Sep 2024On the starting pointRacing grandma, overachieving, and finishing at the start line2 min read22 Sep 2024On doubtSitting in failure, objective metrics, and the thing I tell myself to keep me going5 min read22 Sep 2024On sociabilitySelf forgery, drifting apart, and why it’s not a good idea1 min read21 Sep 2024On ghostsA look in the mirror, a painful memory, and the colors of hard work1 min read21 Sep 2024On realityEvidence, projections, and hitting the last stretch3 min read21 Sep 2024On aftermathConsequences, tough decisions, and settling into reality2 min read16 Sep 2024On accidentsInstant replay, the heat of the moment, and lucky breaks3 min read08 Sep 2024On reactionThe part that I don’t understand2 min read08 Sep 2024On calmCrashing, shock, and the reality of commitment4 min read08 Sep 2024On embodiment The bodily inbox, dissecting signals, and the colors of exhaustion3 min read07 Sep 2024On prioritiesTrade-offs, solitude, and benching the stars3 min read27 Aug 2024On hindsightFitness, and well-disguised blessings, and learning the right way1 min read25 Aug 2024On urgesPrinciples, flimsy choices, and dumb decisions1 min read09 Aug 2024On growthHabits, proof, and how far we’ve come2 min read08 Aug 2024On looking for troubleEstimates, going fishing, and the sounds of the skull2 min read27 Jul 2024On choiceExercising choice, Tibetan monks, and doing things for no reason4 min read27 Jul 2024On moreTime horizons, objective data, and the appetite for risk2 min read26 Jul 2024On the day I knewLooming failure, responding to adversity, and meeting the man inside3 min read21 Jul 2024On the source of motivationExpectations, reality, and the calibration of bodily signals3 min read20 Jul 2024On the red lineFalling wheels, climbing out of wells, and flirting with red lines3 min read18 Jul 2024On the price of thingsAlternate currencies, the things we do with money, and why we don’t do things2 min read18 Jul 2024On holding backPushing harder, consistency, and accepting the suck2 min read15 Jul 2024On terrorSitting in fear, invisible breaks, and a way beyond heroics4 min read08 Jul 2024On experienceSlow starts, quick progress, and calming the fuck down2 min read12 May 2024On habitsThe end of motivation, the unravelling of the will, and the necessary fallback mechanism2 min read09 May 2024On silent toilsPractice, the things we do in the dark, and exercising willpower3 min read22 Apr 2024On the right to work hardThe dirty work, low means, and beginning at the start line4 min read11 Apr 2024On double lossesStopping the bleeding, atonement, and the words of god1 min read31 Mar 2024On momentumThe psychology of continuity and the benefits of alternatives2 min read29 Mar 2024On the lack of progressThe trees of the forest, becoming a swimmer, and small sample sizes2 min read25 Mar 2024On warped perceptionRest, deloading, and the treachery of the self3 min read24 Mar 2024On the bitchMomentary satisfaction, toxic self talk, and ephemeral pride1 min read21 Mar 2024On enoughOutstanding performance, discontent, and self-cruelty1 min read03 Mar 2024On volumeGoing too hard too fast, injury, and dangerous obliviousness3 min read14 Feb 2024On persistanceDelusional ambition, sticking to the plan, and doing it for long5 min read07 Jan 2024