---
title: "On growth"
description: "Habits, proof, and how far we’ve come"
author: "Ghaith Ayadi"
site: "Verbatim"
collection: "The mechanics"
url: "https://verbatim.ayadighaith.com/the-mechanics/on-growth"
date: 2024-08-08
updated: 2026-09-16
---
# On growth

I’m sick again

The usual. Get hot and sweaty, then cold, then hot again. Sore throat, low energy, headache… the whole thing. 

It’s very mild this time. I hope it goes away soon.

this comes at the heels of moving to Lisbon. I already lost 3 days of training for that, and now losing probably 3 more for this. It’s very upsetting. 

But it’s not as upsetting as it was the last few times I got sick during this training year. It should be more because I no longer have any room for error. But I’m handling it better. 

Yesterday, I could have gotten on the bike and squeezed in another session. I could totally go to the pool today. I could probably cycle today. But I won’t. 

These days I’m more about to manage these setbacks. I don’t panic as easily. I can dampen these shocks enough to make good decisions. I can identify two factors that go into that:

- I’ve grown as a person. I now understand the value of the bigger picture and can summon that image at moments of despair. I can remind myself that a even though I don’t have a week to spare, this can be recovered. Not just that, I can remind myself that this time off might have been good for me. Maybe my legs needed the rest. Maybe I was going to ruin myself if I trained this week. there’s so much I don’t know so I don’t get stuck here. 
- The psychological factor is certainly important. But I reckon that most of the difference just comes from thoughtful experience. I spend a year paying attention the very idea of the long-term mission and how it ebbs and flows. I don’t just have a theoretical understanding of it. I have several instances in recent memory where I’ve seen the effect of setbacks. Stacking evidence breeds a more balanced disposition.

I have no illusions of competence on this front. Most of the difference undoubtedly comes from a growing confidence based on objective tests. Had I not tested myself, I would probably be a far worse state. But I like to believe that progress was made on my own psyche, independent of the circumstances. I think it’s true but I need to acknowledge that I need it to be true. Otherwise, this has all been for nothing.